From:  shan lung <shanlung9@y...>
Date: 
Tue Oct 12, 2004  1:08 am
Subject:  Tinkerbell -Before final closure of this chapter

Hi folks,

(warning, this is not a happy letter. If you are sad
enough, you should skip this. Added after I finished
this letter.)

Today is the evening of 11 Oct and I am now sitting in
a 7-11 clone outside my hotel in front of a coin
operated Internet PC at 10NT (US$1 to 35NT I think)
per 45 mins. It was strange being in a hotel and not
clearing out all stuff from the bathroom as we
normally do when we travel about with Tink.

Once again, I am touched by all your emails and kind
regards and gestures for us. So much so that my own
control broke. I shed some quiet tears. I felt better
after that. I am thankful and grateful for your words
of encouragement and support in my difficult times
now. Even though I believe, and I will work towards
our eventual reunion, there is still an uncertainty if
that will indeed be our karmic destination.

My visa here in
Taiwan is tied in to my work permit.
My leaving of
Taiwan is not because I need to work for
the money. If I am allowed to, I will happily remain
here in
Taiwan. I will then buy a house with some
land in the Eastern side and live with Joy and Tink,
maybe give a bit of English tuition, or breed parrots
and Bengal cats, or make and market Tink;s
harnesses,or just live off my savings. While I cannot
yearn for a Lear jet or feast on caviar and champange
everyday, I do not lack money either for my simple
needs.

If I have a
USA passport with automatic 5 years multi
entry visa from
Taiwan, I be off in a flash to Eastern
Taiwan
.

My search for that next assignment are centered on
countries that will allow me to have Tinkerbell,
including being here again in
Taiwan. Failing that, I
am now seriously considering relocating and retiring
to acceptable countries that again, will allow me to
have Tinkerbell. I worked long and hard enough to want
to live a life of my own with those that I loved.

Over the last few days, Tinkerbell showed other
unusual behaviour. My wife remarked to me that Tink
flew to her about 5-6 times a day, as against 2-3
times a day before. During the headrubs of the night
before, I was stunned when she screamed the loadest
scream she ever gave and right into my ear.

On the 10th, I worked up surprised to find it was
about 1030am. I had a hard time trying to sleep so I
was not surprised I woke up late. What was surprising
was Tinkerbell did not flew over to us to wake us up
at
7am (see
http://www.geocities.com/shanlung9/alarmclock.html).

I rushed off to see if she was already up and in the
PC room chewing off the keys from my keyboard or
ripping my ciggies apart. I was surprised to find
that she was still in her bedroom, her head looking at
me and giving me her baby goo goo cherip soft sounds.
I thought perhaps she got up and went back. But she
then flew out to her poop station to lay her
unmistakenly morning first big poop.

I gave her mash that she dug into with relish. Then
she flew back to her bedroom again instead of her
usual swooping flypast harrasement of me. It was only
later I managed to enticed her out. I took her red
harness to show her and said we are going for a ride
for brunch that she then looked at me as if she was
considering and then she flew to the top of her cage
to allow me to put on her harness.

We rode to her favourite Japanese noodle shop. After
that, we rode about town slowly. I was feeling numb. I
had this reluctance to go home but I agreed that Yu
would come at
3pm to take the TV and all other
household stuff in addition to Tinkerbell and all her
belongings.

On reaching home, Tink immediately flew to her bedroom
again. When the Yu family came over, she did not fly
out to greet them as before and remained in her
bedroom. We slowly removed all that was planned to be
removed until only her bedroom book cabinet was left.
I had to take her out and she flew around the hall
noting the absence of her tower, her cage, and I am
sure other missing items as well. It was hard on me
seeing how hard it was on her. I gave enough time for
the Yu's to do Tinks setup in his apartment and rode
over with her in the evening on the bike's perch. We
all had dinner together at an outdoor seafood
restaurant and we went back to leave Tinkerbell with
the Yu before me and my wife rode back alone.

The next day, on 11th Oct, the movers came in force to
complete the rest of the packing and shipment of my
household goods. Cleaning up and running around to
finish the termination of services took up the rest of
the day and we moved over to the hotel that we will be
staying until 14 when we will finally leave. I was
glad to be in the hotel. Even without furniture and
knowing that Tink was with people that love her, that
bare apartment I left behind hold too many memories of
Tinkerbell for me. My heart goes for those who lost
fids and not knowing where or how they are now. I
prepared for this over a year ago and it still hurt so
much.

3 months ago, I planned for such a transition period
to help Tinkerbell adjust.

I knew Mr Yu had to be away in another city for the
day. I called up Mrs Yu prior to our visit to hear
with shock from her that Tinkerbell had been refusing
to eat the whole day and refused to go into her cage.
I mentally castigate her for not calling me earlier
while rushing over to her place.

Tinkerbell stood on top of the cupboard and ignored me
for a while. She responded to step up but flew back to
the cupboard three times before she eventually
relented to step on my shoulder. Mrs Yu told me Tink
was never like that before in her earlier stays with
them. I then quietly reassured Tinkerbell that we
loved her deeply and explained again why she had to
remain behind. I told her to be strong and brave and
that she must eat and drink and we intend to be
together with her again. She was inches from my face
and she looked intently in my eyes. She then turned
to take a long hard drink from my cup I hold near her.
I let her drink her fill. Then I hold her food bowl
and was relieved to see her bob and bob at me before
she took her food. I then stayed there for an hour,
reassuring her and giving her gentle headrubs with her
on top of her cage. I opened the cage door to let her
in and just talked and talked to her before I said
goodbye. I told her I will be coming again the next
day to take her out with us.

She screamed at me as we walked away. It hurt me so
bad to hear her calling that way. I never heard that
before. My wife told me that was exactly the way she
called when I related to you that tantrum throwing
episode
(http://www.geocities.com/shanlung9/w1tinkthrowtantrum.htm)

For a moment, I considered taking her with me for the
next couple of days to live with us in the hotel. But
I have to believe that will not be in her best
interest. I had to steel myself and continued to walk
off. This transition period must remain a transition
period.

I rather she forget about me than show me in such
painful way her bond was that strong for me. It hurts
me so much, even now, as I am typing this.

If I have known of this pain now, I would not have
gotten her in the beginning.

If I do not have her again, I do not believe I will be
able to have another fid for the rest of my life.







=====
With warmest regards

Shanlung - lackey to all below
Joy - wife, Tinkerbell - CAG, daughter and love of my heart
Halftail the Bimbo - beautiful sweet silly cat
Zorro - ferret which loves parrot pellets
Bim and Zor are with other loving families now
I will remember them for the happy times they gave me

earlier emails and photo links on Tink -
http://www.geocities.com/shanlung9
(erratically and sporadically updated)